So much...

To be thankful for. What an amazing past few weeks we've had. To start, the gender reveal party was a huge success. I had such an unforgettable time. As Lori shared, we are having TWO BOYS!!! I had a feeling they'd be boys from the beginning, but thought they possibly could be b/g twins. For the first reveal, Lori had put the color of baby A sex in a box. She wrapped it up and Joe, Clark and I opened the box together in front of everyone. I immediately starting crying when I saw the blue balloons float out. I desperately wanted another boy in our family, especially since our first boy's name had a special middle name honoring my brother who passed 7 years ago. We then went inside where the sex of baby B was the dyed top tier of our "present" cake. What an amazing job the bakery did on the cake!! Couldn't have imagined it any way else. Beautiful. Once again the 3 of us gathered behind the cake. We cut into it and it was blue! Here's where I finally knew what my heart's desire was. Please do not get me wrong... I am over the moon happy! But in that moment of seeing blue, I cried a little for my loss of having a girl. I never realized how I really felt until it became real to me. I'll be the queen bee of a house of boys. I cried when I cut into it, but mostly because I just was so overwhelmed and happy! Many viewed my emotional display as sadness of it being a boy and not a girl. Totally not true. I am just so happy to be HAVING babies that I ultimately didn't care. He was in control and knows the perfect plan for us. He knows we can do boys. We are by no means wealthy. And having 2 more boys will totally help us. We have so many clothes, toys, etc of Clark's that I'm happy they can be used again by the boys. They will be able to share a room all together once they are a little older. They will room with us the first year or so of their lives. That way, it gives Clark some time to adjust to their presence without throwing him right into a new situation on top of going from not sharing the spotlight to now having to "share" mom and dad with two more babies.
I have been asked by many people if we will have more children, especially now with having 2 more boys. I originally kept saying probably not, that I'm completely blessed and thankful to be a family of 5. Also, I'd like to complete this journey before I start thinking of having more because I feel selfish and ungrateful then. I don't want to discredit this journey, this blessing of twins because of a want for more. I want to see how things go in the next few months before their births and then a few months after they're here before I start really being serious again. I'd love to have my little girl someday. Is that in our future? I really don't know. If God allows it, I'll welcome it. But if we are only meant to have these three boys, then I am completely at peace with that as well. I love Lori so much and am just so thankful every day that we are going through this together. I am so blessed and I owe the glory all to Him.