Time

It's been awhile since either Lori or I have posted any updates on our lives. For me, it's been a wonderful ride so far. The boys are growing bigger and bigger every day. Elijah still seems to be a pound or so heavier than Jedidiah. Both boys are smiling a ton, making lots of eye contact, and generally being happy go lucky babies. Jed has started laughing. It's the sweetest sound! They both like to talk to me. I think they are getting more aware of one another. Elijah does not like when others cry, especially Jedi. He will start to cry too. They have started sleeping longer stretches throughout the night, which is very welcomed! They normally go to sleep around 7/7:30 and usually will sleep until 12:30/1 sometimes even longer until 2:30! Then it seems they both are up every 2.5 hours after that feeding. Slow progress is fine. 

Clark loves his brothers very much, sometimes too much. Haha. He loves when they look and smile at him and hold his fingers. It seems that he's favoring Elijah at this time, but mostly I think because Elijah holds his finger more when they're in the car. I keep reminding him that we need to love and give both of them attention. No favorites just as he wouldn't want the boys to have a favorite and it not be Clark too. It's just innocent now I know but it doesn't hurt to remind him when he makes those comments. 

We are usually pretty active and busy during the day. Rarely do I stay home all day long. I enjoy to venture out with either just the twins while Clark's in school Tuesday - Thursday or with all three of them the other two days. Being a mom of twins never fails to draw attention to us. I'm not sure why haha but many people talk to us when we're out. Comments usually go like this. "Oh, are they twins?" "A boy and a girl?" "Oh do they look alike?" "Are they identical?" "Do twins run in your family?" "You look wonderful for having twins." "I know so and so who has twins." "Man you must have your hands full." "They're so adorable. Congrats" Most days I really don't mind the comments. It's just on those rare days or rare moments when things are slightly stressful, it seems everyone decides to talk to us. I am unsure how to react most of the time when the topic of delivery, pregnancy, and how good I look for having twins come up. Most times I just smile and say thanks for the compliments and give the abbreviated version of their delivery as if it was me who did actually deliver them. On rare occasions, I will share our story. I don't not share because I'm ashamed or embarrassed or anything like that. It's just that most times it would just take too long and get old so fast if I explained it to everyone. Those who matter know our story. The boys will know of our journey. And that is all that is important to me ultimately. 

I don't get to talk to Lori as often as we used to or as often as I'd like or imagined. It's fair to say both our lives got pretty busy once the pregnancy was over and she resumed normal life again. I really miss her, but life just swallows you up and relationships get put on the back burner. I'm not sure what our future holds or how our relationship will evolve, but unfortunately this seems to be the natural way of surrogacy. Once the excitement of calendars, med schedules, countless appointments, retrieval, transfer, home pregnancy tests, beta tests, ultrasounds, and delivery fizzle down, things kind of go back to how they were before all that. Life goes on, families and jobs need our attention back. I want nothing more than to be able to have daily communication from both sides, but it is just too difficult with schedules. I love Lori and her family more than any word can describe. We will both have special places for each other in our hearts. I can't wait to see them again. I can't wait for her to see how much they've grown! When will that be, I'm not sure either of us really know at this point. 

When we started this blog, I worried I wouldn't be able to be as honest and open as I could be had we not "shared" it together. I want to be open. I want to express myself somewhere since I haven't been able to with anyone else really. I miss her. I miss getting texts from her. I miss how our friendship was. I miss getting responses when I text her. In all honesty, I've tried to force myself to stop texting her because the past few times I had, I didn't hear back. I know she's going through her stuff. She's back at work so juggling being full time pharmacist, mom, wife, and friend is stressful. I don't blame her or hold any ill feelings towards her. And I'm not saying these things out of malice. I care deeply for her and don't want it to just have been for us to get babies. It just sucks that life gets in the way so easily. I hope sharing my feelings can help shine light to others that everything evolves and it's no fault of anyone in surrogacy relationships.  Thanks for reading. I'm not sure if I will be posting as much anymore. I feel that chapter of our lives has closed and I'm creating another one. Here are a few pictures of the boys.