 |
| Koen-Bella-Brayden |
 |
| The Fam |
I have been blessed with 3 amazing children. Koen, Brayden, and Isabella are my sweet gifts from God. I believe that God speaks to us, obviously not in the literal sense, but through things. I think the first time God gave me the idea of doing surrogacy was when I waited in the doctors office for an appointment. I was pregnant with Brayden at the time and as I waited in the waiting room I started flipping through a magazine. I came to an article about surrogacy. Honestly I hadn't really heard much about it before. I read this article about a woman who had given birth to 8 children and blessed many different families with a child. It was immediately something I knew I was made to do. God has blessed me with amazing pregnancies. You don't hear many women say that they love being pregnant, but I really do. Thank the Lord I have not suffered from morning sickness or any of the other serious effects. I have little things of course, but nothing worth complaining about. It is just a beautiful thing that I enjoy the entire 9 months. The next time I heard about surrogacy was possibly a sign from God too, but when I say this people laugh!! (understand that I hadn't really heard of surrogacy before this) It was only days after reading this article that I was watching television and saw a preview for the movie "BABY MAMMA". (ok yes you can laugh-But God can use silly movies too). It was just crazy to me to have never heard about this process and then in just a few days hear something twice. I decided to talk to Ryan about it. I told him that I really felt that this was something I was made to do. He agreed immediately and said he would support me fully. I did some research and decided that we needed to complete our family first, because of the risks involved. The idea was put on the back burner for awhile. In December 2010 we had our little girl and our family was complete. I decided to start the research again. I started applying with agencies all over the U.S. I had c-sections with each of my children. For this reason I started being turned down by many agencies. Many wouldn't even talk to me when they found this out. In November 2011 I found an agency in Chicago that was willing to talk to me. They even contacted some of their physicians and let me know that another c-section would be completely safe for me. I decided to let all of my family know and move forward in this journey. This process is truly a miracle and I am so thankful to be a part of it.
The Match
The first thing you must do in this process is make a profile. This means that you have to fill out this 17 page questionnaire and another couple of pages of about us information. There were many difficult questions to answer. The most important were dealing with what is called multiple reduction (such a terrible phrase-means to abort to get to the desired number of surviving embryos). My answer to this question was a resounding "NO". I was told during my research that this answer was not desirable for Intended Parents (IP's). They told me that I would have a very hard time finding a match, because of this answer and encouraged me to change it. The next tough question is about aborting for "serious medical conditions". These include Downs syndrome and again my answer was "NO". They told me that if I answered no to these questions that I could be on the waiting list for a very long time if I was ever matched. I honestly had to pray alot about this. I knew my answer would never change, but it is hard to set your mind to something like this and then be told you probably won't be able to do it if you stick to your views. I was finally at peace with this and answered the questions on this questionnaire with my "NO" answers. I decided that this was God's plan for me. I was doing this for his glory and he would find me a worthy couple who shared these same views. I accepted that I would have to be patient and wait for God's match.
After turning all of the paperwork in and the medical information. It was time to wait. Well God must know how impatient I am, because it was almost immediately we were matched with a couple. I was so excited to receive their profile. To see their pictures and read about their story. They were an older couple in their 50's. They had been trying to conceive for over 10 years. This wasn't exactly what I had pictured in my mind when I thought of what it would be like, but what an amazing story. I was very excited about being matched, but their was a weird feeling that I had. I figured it was just nerves and that once we got to know them it would go away. They requested to meet us right away. We planned a trip to Chicago to meet them in December 2011. Early in the week that we were scheduled to go I received a phone call from the agency. It was a voicemail saying I am really sorry to tell you so late, but the IP's have found someone in their family to carry for them. I was really disappointed by this for selfish reasons, but happy for them at the same time. This disappointment was short lived, because in that message she told me that they had another potential match for us. I couldn't believe it, since I was told it would be so hard to find people who matched with me. I received their profile and I can't even explain to you how perfect it was. They were such a cute family. They had a little boy that was born through a previous journey and was about the same age as our boys. They were Christian's and had the same resounding "NO" answers to those tough questions. They were not able to carry thier own children, because Lisa has a disease called Cystic Fibrosis (CF). I was so thrilled that I was going to be able to help them add another miracle to their family. That "off feeling" was gone completely. Replaced by pure excitement and a sense of peace about the whole thing. I even told the agency how much better I was feeling about this match. The only way I can describe it to you is that it was just a "God thing"! I just knew that this is what he had planned for us.
The Meeting
We had already booked the trip to Chicago. It was a big chance but I asked the agency if this new couple would possibly be able to meet on such short notice. It was only days away but they called back and said they wanted to meet us. The whole family packed up and drove to Chicago. It was a perfect day in Chi-town with a light dusting of snow and enough warm sunshine to make it perfect for a walk through the park to Shedd's Aquarium. We spent the beginning part of that day enjoying the fish and going back to the hotel for a swim. Then it was time to go to the agency to meet Joe, Lisa, and Clark. I had pictures of them and a profile with some information about them, but meeting them in person was so different. The first thing I remember thinking is "this is going to be more than a surrogacy arrangement! We are going to be friends". It started with the children. They got along so well so fast. It was easy to see they were going to be buddies since CJ was so willing to share his toys the boys were instantly friends. The next thing I noticed was the connection between Ryan and Joe. Ryan is usually so quiet, but they talked nonstop the whole time. We were supposed to meet for an hour. It turned out to be about 2 and a half hours. We just talked and talked and talked. I loved Lisa. It is harder for women to make first impressions on each other. We are thinking the whole time " what does she think of me?". " am I talking to much? Saying the right things? Does she like me?". Even with all that in my head I just loved her. Like I said before this was a God thing. This is the couple I pictured when I first started dreaming of this journey.
The Friendship
That Monday I got a call from the agency. She told me that Lisa had emailed her and said that she wanted to move forward with us. She said that usually the gestational surrogate (GS) and the intended parents (IP's) do not exchange information until after the psych screening is completed. She told me that Lisa was ok with exchanging information right away if I was ok with that. I was giddy inside-I am kind-of of embarrassed to say how excited I was. Just waiting and waiting so impatiently for that first text message. I could tell when we met that we would be friends, but it was crazy how nervous I was to hear from her. After the first message our friendship took off. That first week we did not go a full day without texting. It should have been a sign of what was to come. All I can say is I am so thankful for unlimited text messaging, because wow would we have some huge bills to pay otherwise. We would chat so much that even our husbands started to get annoyed by us! Jealous we would say because we were up texting so late at night! But honestly it was so fun getting to know her and sharing who I am with her. We shared so much information in such a short time I can't even tell you all of it, but there is one conversation that I really felt like I got to know Lisa. It was hard for me to ask questions about her disease, because I was so worried to say the wrong thing or in the wrong way, but I built up the courage to ask her about it. That night was when I first realized Lisa's strength. I don't know how it would feel to walk in her shoes, but I am pretty sure I would not be able to handle it with such strength. I was amazed by her positive outlook on the whole situation. She admitted her struggles with it, but with every struggle she had a blessing. She just amazes me. I could not be more proud of our friendship. If I could change anything, it would be to somehow allow her to carry herself, but being beside her and being a part of creating another miracle for their family is honestly my pleasure. And so the friendship begins......
No comments:
Post a Comment